I don't know what happened to you. You had your dreams, you had your wits, and you had your anger. Now you're just bitter, with a twisted or no sense of humor. You keep repeating the same old lines ever and ever, but even you don't believe them yourself. 'This and that needs to be done', and 'there's no time', 'this is the only way', etc...
You know what I think of you? You are a fucking whiner, trying to find excuses for every damn mistake, trying to convince people like it's nothing but fate, but it's you actually. How did you become so clueless, so afraid of criticism, so self-righteous; such an asshole? How did you lose all your dreams, and when did you start pretending as if they were never there? Where is that guy with whom I use to talk about choices? About the potential we all have, about breaking one's chains, about knowing oneself...
I can see you are alone, I can see you are bored out of your skull but yo do nothing against. There is nothing you are proud of any more, nothing you can talk about and be listened, so you cheat. You make degrading jokes, some people laugh. Others don't and even if they do, they are laughing at you and how pathetic you are.
Do you realize how fewer and fewer people hang around you? How some started to avoid you like the pest, without any apparent reason, not to you at least? How I don't invite you anywhere anymore?
You brag about your achievements, but you know that we all are better than you now. And you had such talent! You always thought success didn't came just because you didn't work hard enough, but then you started to do nothing but work and everything went downwards. With every little disappointment you became more bitter, more frustrated, childish in a terrible sense. Instead of growing up, you got more immature, but without the fun of it...
Well, I still have hopes though. Maybe you open your eyes someday. If not, you'll become tired of all this, all of a sudden, and throw everything away, in the most stupid way possible. Then you'll look in the mirror and see an ugly man with nothing in his hands and very much alone. No, I still have hopes. You are still clever, still young. Before it's too late, please wake up...
3 comments:
Actually, I think I tried... But he pushed me away, and in such a way that it hurt me very much. Every time I tried to show how much I cared for him, he explicitly made me understand that my thoughts doesn't matter anyway, he even did fun of me. Well, I am human, too, you know, so finally I got offended somehow and left him alone. Maybe it is his choice after all, who can tell for sure...
Mmm... As you said you tried but he pushed you away. There must be a reason behind his acts.You know, nothing is done without reasons. Also, you cannot have real friends so easliy. And as i understand from your writing, he was a close friend of you. Anyway, there is only one thing that should be done in this situation. Go ask him a single question: "WHY You pushed me away when i tried to help, WHY you pushed me away?..."
I know it is not easy to do this, but to regain a real friend, this is the only way...
REAL friends don't deliberately hurt you... And there is no way that I can trust him again anyways (a regain is out of question), and it's HIS choice, not mine. I'm no Mother Teresa, man, and this is a requiem so something must be dead, you see.
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